Living Lohan: Lindsay’s Sex Tape Verses Ali’s Hot Tracks
Posted in: E!, Living Lohan, Sexxx Tape!, scandal
In the first glimpse of the “normal” Lohan household, we find Dina starting her morning by pouring over all the tabloids. “They can destroy my kid’s career,” she barks in her husky voice. “They better not start on Ali,” she huffs as family assistant Alexis pulls up a spread that claims the 14-year-old already had some nose work.
She continues to denounce the very thing that has actually prolonged Lindsay’s days in the spotlight for approximately 24 minutes more minutes. Even her mother and Lindsay’s grandmother, Nana, talks trash. “The nanas are not exempt,” she warns others of the paparazzi’s tenacity.
As far as the New York home where Dina, Ali and 11-year-old Cody reside, it isn’t as lavish as one would suspect. The average suburban home is probably the closest to normal this fame-whoring family is gonna get. Upon entering the home, a montage of trinkets around Orange Oprah’s living room (interwoven with Ali and Cody wrestling on the floor) shows one that reads: “If it has tires or testicles, it’s gonna give you trouble.” Um, classy.
When Ali disapproves the tracks her record label sent, Dina growls, “What they are sending her are what they think a 14-year-old should be.” Apparently she forgot to e-mail them a picture of her daughter, who appears to be nearing 35 in the looks department.
What’s worse is that Dina is under the assumption that her daughter is an “artist” who intends on producing “art”. “You’re not hear to please anyone but yourself as an artist,” she coos to Ali. The day that fugly mini-Lindsay is considered a real artist is the day her bisexual, snatch-flashing sister will win an Oscar. Never.
The strangest detail that emerges from this first, 30-minute calculated look into the Lohan lifestyle is that Dina met Jeremy (Ali’s hip-hop track provider) via IM. Firstly, how does one secure Dina Lohan’s AIM? Secondly, if Dina’s family so important to her, why on Earth is she talking to strangers online? Just bizarre (i.e. the opposite of normal!).
As the uglier version of LiLo whines to her new lyrics “It’s not my fault that your in love with me”, it’s not difficult to wonder who will love this clueless and lost little girl. If Dina thinks she is setting Ali up to be the next Ashlee Simpson, she should have taken some time to figure out why The Ashlee Simpson Show was a success.
1.) It was on MTV (music television), not E! (entertainment television).
2.) Ashlee’s songs were actually *good*.
3.) Ash looks and acts much different from her sister, whereas Ali is just shooting to be a Lindsay replica. She even says, “Lindsay is my role model. I try to look like her and dress like her and everything.”
Yes, this girl is so screwed. The fact that Lindsay’s alleged sex tape and reports that she is dating Jeremy outshine Ali throughout the episode, it’s evident that the middle school wanna-be will continue to live in her sister’s shadow even on her own reality show.
