It’s so funny how soon we forget all these skanks. Who? Who? Angelique! Yay! Who? Who? Kristy Joe! Yay! Who? Megan! Yay! Daisy! Yay!


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We see that dude, Riki, is now the host or something. Are we just s’pose to know who he is? Because we don’t remember him (just like 85 percent of the Rock of Love 2 contestants).

“I love Bret Michaels!” someone screams like the exorcist as Mr. Badass himself enters the room in a big cloud of machine-produced smoke.

Riki brings up the SNL skit, and Peyton attempts to explain why they portrayed her in such a way. She then yells: “FACE TIME!” She really didn’t say this on the show, though it certainly seemed like she did!

They start off with Angelique Morgan / Frenchy clips … and OMG! We nearly forgot how fall-off-the-couch funny she made the show. VH1 has definitely found a reality treasure chest with her exhibitionist ways. “I’m sorry, but I cannot keep my clothes on!!” she says to the burlesque dancer.


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After seeing all the trash Aubry talked about her, she throws some poo back: “You look like rat on crack!” Aubry tried to get back at Angelique by calling her a she-male!!! Well, ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black?

Ms. Morgan has also stopped dancing (read: stripping) for the time being because “people just want to hang out now” and performs her last dance by mounting Bret.

Image courtesy of VH1.

Now on to Destiney, who was one of the hottest girls on the show. She defends herself: “I’m definitely not a groupie — I love the rockers; I’ve been around the lifestyle.” Then Riki brings up the dad, who is dead now. Understandably Destiney tears up and Jessica, Peyton and Inna run down to comfort her. Bret also sheds some tears. “I know he is in a better place,” she stammers.


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Now it’s time to remember Kristy Joe … and how much we missed her the rest of the season. “For the record, I was separated,” she says. We discover Kristy Joe is back together with her husband (which she already made know on her blog). We are happy for you, girl! She tells Bret that the show helped her husband realize that he was going to lose her forever.


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VH1 uses some great editing to make Aubry and Kristy Joe look like total lesbians. Too hilarious. This also makes Bret cry. Maybe Aubry looks more like Alexis Arquette than Ambre Lake. “A lot of people were thinking we were gay,” says Aubrey. It sounds as if she wish it were true!


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Now it’s time Peyton’s stupid-ass song. Will anyone really download this? If she was going to sell out on her 30 seconds of fame, you’d think she’d write better lyrics at least. Oh well.


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Heather returns still looking like Brooke Hogan’s older sister. “I think the girls on season one were more realness — not so much fake, desperate,” she says. Real psychos? Real sluts? Give us some thing to go on here, Heath.

They bring Daisy on the stage and have her sit next to Heather. Perfect. Bret explains he eliminated her because “it was too many unanswered questions.” On the other hand, Daisy felt taken advantage of. Maybe try not to dress so provocatively? Daisy was fooled by Bret, and he got one last bang out of her. It’s sad.

Daisy: “You couldn’t pay me enough to be you.”

Heather: “Is that why all your photo shoots look like mine?”

Let the weave-pulling, head-slapping madness begin! And as soon as it begins, it ends. The leaked YouTube video pretty much gave away the beginning, middle and end of the Heather versus Daisy brawl.


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And now for the ever-giddy Ambre Lake. She walks out blushing like a school girl. All we can say about her is that the straight hair is an improvement over the doggie do she was sporting on the show. When Riki asks Bret what he thinks about seeing Ambre, he responds “I love it; she looks beautiful. I’m excited and horny.”

Riki: “Is this the first time you’ve seen her since the show ended?”

Bret: “I might have snuck in a little boom boom.”

So, they had sex on his tour bus. Tacky. Even worse was when Bret admits: “When she said she wasn’t wearing panties — it was a good day.” Ewwww. Ear muffs, people! When he talks about Ambre in a sexual manner, it’s almost like hearing about your *way* older sister doing the nasty. Or your parents. It’s all shudder-worthy.

Riki asks Ambre if it’ll be hard for Bret to be faithful. “Of course!” she says. Especially with her tits sagging a little lower every day.

About their relationship status, Ambre says: “We’re dating, and I’m excited about that.” And Bret agrees: “Me, too.”

So, they are still dating? What’s with that AP story then?! We foresee this relationship lasting about as long as Ambre’s acting/television career. (By the way, it was tooootally pathetic when she tried to compare her own ambitions and career to Bret’s. Just pathetic!)


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Then again, we were wrong about Daisy winning this whole show. Maybe Bret and his old lady will be walking down the aisle (with walkers) in no time at all.